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Question by Josh: Are my poems good/where can I find a forum to get them out there?
“These Demons Inside of Me”
Could this be really me
Prettending just to dream
not gonna realize that this actuality
is my reality that the factuality
of my situation rushes to my head
Cant stop thinking of what they saidd
When im laying in my bed
those thoughts start swirling through my head
Dont know how to answer
Just let em talk
Telling myself this is diffferent
then where I’ve been before
They’re convincing never relenting
Keep pushing inside my head
Telling me to do it
Never gonna do it
Oh god dont let me do it.
Gonna turn this thing around
Get my feet back on the ground
Never let them get me down
Theres nothing now that can tear me down
I feel like a loner out there in the crowd
Trying to make a sound that nobody hears
Learing toward that one situation
Never going back to that old apparation
Tired of this gonna start the obliteration
of my oldself the new ones coming out
No ones ever seen him before
Except the ones that really new me before
I turned into a monster let them get the best of me
They had a control over me
They wouldnt let me be
These demons inside of me.
“My Eternity”
After the first thrill is gone
all our will is gone
Take another pill to try to subside the pain
that you feel in the deepest part of your brain
You think that you’ll last forever in eternity
But we’ll never last if this wheel keeps turning
How can I pretend to appear so smug when this feeling
begins to tug at my shoulders
Its like a boulder hit my heart and destroyed it
Just like a thousand piercing darts
Stuck inside this turning wheel
Theres nothing left nothings real
Dont know if I ever knew how to feel
But when you took this away from me
I was stuck in here, my eternity.
I have a lot more little segments nothing I would really call a poem.
Best answer:
Answer by oakwolf
You’re not bad with a phrase, but this poem goes on waaaay too long for what it says. I’m not trying to be a d*ck with this advice, but you should choose the best ten or twelve lines of this and call that a poem.
It sounds like spoken-word. Maybe you could use it in this long form if you were on-stage and talented at that. Keep writing.
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